A structured check-in is a brief, regular contact at a fixed time in which a buddy asks the same few plain questions about sleep, food, health and needs, and watches for change. Its purpose is to notice trouble early and to keep a person connected, so it asks about basics and does not probe the traumatic event.
A check-in is a scheduled, low-pressure conversation used to monitor wellbeing in a community without professional services.
Predictable And Small Is What Makes It Sustainable
A check-in that is short, regular and undemanding survives a hard season. One that asks a lot or depends on a difficult conversation gets skipped by both people. The parent guide suggests a daily contact of two to three minutes; that length is a sensible practical choice and not a measured one. Do it at a task people already share, such as the morning meal or the end of a watch.
The Questions
Use the same wording each time so change is visible:
- “How did you sleep?”
- “Have you been eating and drinking?”
- “Anything hurting or bothering you?”
- “Is there anything you need?”
- “How are you getting on with people?”
Add: “Is there anything I should know about?” Wait for the answer. Answering “fine” with a flat voice for several days together is information.
What To Watch For
- Changes in sleep or appetite
- Neglected hygiene or clothing
- Withdrawal from shared meals and tasks
- Irritability, new conflicts
- Heavy drinking or other substance use
- Reckless behaviour
- Hopeless remarks or talk of death
Observation counts more than answers. A person who says “fine” and has not eaten in two days is not fine.
Responding
- Practical need: fix it or find the person who can.
- Needs to talk: listen, do not hurry, ground if needed; see Grounding Techniques.
- Pattern over days: raise it gently: “I’ve noticed you’ve missed meals this week.”
- Serious concern: follow the escalation route; see When Grief Becomes Dangerous.
- If someone talks about suicide or wanting to die: ask directly and stay with them. Asking has not been found to plant the idea.
What Not To Do
- Ask about the traumatic event. The check-in is not an interview.
- Make a record that others read. A log of private matters in a small community leaks. Keep only what safety requires, with the person’s knowledge.
- Skip it when the person seems well. Steadiness is part of the point.
- Turn it into a performance review.
Common Mistakes
- Checking in only on the visibly distressed. Quiet people go unseen.
- Using it as a chance to give advice.
- Treating missed check-ins as a minor matter. A person who avoids a check-in is often the one who needs it; follow up the same day.
What’s Next
- Learn next: Confidentiality & Trust — what happens to what you hear
- Combine with: Buddy System for Trauma — who does the checking