Finding common ground means naming what both sides already want or already accept, such as a fair community, respect or a water system that works, before turning to what they disagree about. It does not erase the dispute; it shows the parties they are not opposed on everything and gives the discussion something to build on.
The mediation step of listing shared aims and agreements before options are discussed.
Why Start From Agreement
The parent article observes that parties usually agree on more than they think and gives examples: both want the community to be fair, both want to feel respected, both want the water system to work well. Starting from these is a way of moving from “opposing sides” to “two people with a shared interest and a disagreement about method”. It builds on Separating People from Problems.
The claim that parties “usually” agree on more than they think is a practitioner observation, not a measured fact, and there are disputes where no useful common ground exists.
Method: Find It Honestly
Step 1: Listen for repeated words. Both parties often use the same word for what they want: “fair”, “safe”, “enough”.
Step 2: Write down what each person has agreed to so far. Even small things: “Both of you agreed that the schedule needs to change.” Short lists beat grand ones.
Step 3: Offer candidates as questions. “Is it fair to say you both want the water to last through the dry season?” If either says no, drop it.
Step 4: Distinguish three layers. Shared aims (we both want the garden to thrive), shared facts (the well was low in August) and shared rules (nobody should take more than their share). The more concrete the layer, the more it helps.
Step 5: Build outward. “Since we agree on X, what would handle Y?” Move from the agreed to the disputed.
Examples
- Two households argue about night noise. Common ground: both need sleep and both want the other to feel welcome.
- Two work teams argue about tool priority. Common ground: both want the harvest in before the rain.
Where It Fails
- Platitudes. “We all want what’s best for the community” is true and useless unless it leads to something specific. If the list consists of vague aims, ask what each means in practice.
- Forced agreement. Pressing both sides to agree to a slogan makes them suspicious.
- Values clashes. Where the dispute is about beliefs, common ground may be limited to the rules for living together; see Value & Belief Clashes.
- Abuse. A person who has been harmed does not owe the person who harmed them any “common ground”. See Mediation on unsuitable cases.
Common Mistakes
- Listing agreements the parties do not hold — they will reject them aloud.
- Skipping it when tempers are high — wait until de-escalation has worked.
- Making it a speech — keep it to a few short points.
What’s Next
- Learn next: Creating Agreements — turning shared ground into terms
- Combine with: Interests vs Positions — finding the needs behind demands